THE AY PaPI ENTRY-
Duh duh duh duh, duh-duh duh-duh duh-duh Dayamn! I have really outdone myself this time. I have finally made guacamole so good it can give my tastebuds multiple orgasms. Roughly 100 avocados, half a year, numerous amounts of advice from different people, and dozens of unsatisfying versions later, I have perfected the art of making orgasmic guacamole. I feel like one of those well-known sushi masters in Japan who can a grab a clump of rice containing the same number of rice grains everytime. Okay, maybe that's a little exaggerated, but still, my stomach and my tastebuds can't stop fantasizing over the perfect guacamole I made the other day. Quick fantasy flashback epidose-
Si Guacamole! Mas! Mas!!!
"So what are the necessary ingredients? What is the recipe? How did you do it?" Shoooo... you think I can tell you what your tastebuds like and dislike? That's like trying to claim I know how to map the G-spot for every woman in the world. Random analogy aside, guacamole is something that can only be perfected through trial and error. Even if I listed all the ingredients and the exact ratio of what to use, it still wouldn't guarantee anything for you. I would only be telling you things that are necessary, not sufficient. (I thank Testmasters for this line of thought) The sufficient part correlates with your personal preferences. So what is sufficient to your tastebuds? You tell me. Better yet, tell yourself.
What I can tell you is that avocados are a crucial ingredient. Wow, insightful huh? Gotta start simple. Home grown avocados are the best... I get a free supply from my mom's friend who has a huge tree out in her backyard... If you don't have your own tree or don't want to face your neighbor's dog while you BORROW their avocados, the next best option is the market available Haas avocados.
Next ingredient: tomatillos - si or no? If you know how to make really good salsa verde, I would suggest experimenting with tomatillos as a substitute for regular tomotoes... Theoretically speaking, you aren't supposed to use regular tomotoes in guacamole. I use both tomatillos and a regular Roma tomoto.
"Onions - brown, white, or red?" Why you gotta be so racist for? Try them all before you start saying anything. I like red onions because they are sweeter and not as harsh as brown or white... The majority of people recommend white onions but they aren't you, so don't follow their advice. Some people also add scallions. I don't, but you might want to try it. Bottom line - be careful with the amount of onions you add. It can really alter and overpower the overall taste.
Lemon, lime, or avocado pits? Lemon and lime are virtually the same, but the taste is different... If you don't believe me, try for yourself (without the tequila and salt). I prefer to use lime... Why use anything acidic in the first place? Well my inquiring friend, the purpose of an acid is to stop the natural oxidation process of avocados, keeping your guacamole a healthy green-mold color!!! Hey, better green mold than brown mold. Some people have claimed that lemons and limes are unnecessary ingredients that only take away from the taste of avocados. They suggest avocado pits are sufficient to stop the oxidation. From my experience, I would have to tell those people to go use the bathroom because they are full of sh(^^)t. I add a pit, but not because I believe it's going to stop the oxidation effect.
Cumin? Have you tried Cumin yet? hahaha. No, I am not speaking slang and forgot a letter... I'm talking about Cumin the spice... Some people claim that adding Cumin significantly affects the taste... I couldn't tell the difference so I concluded I didn't need it.
Cilantro - Yes... Definitely add cilantro. Without it, your guacamole will look naked and taste like it's missing something.
Chile - I use either Thai chile or Mexican jalapenos. You should add at least a little of something even if you can't stand spicy foods.
Salt - Unless you like bland foods, use salt to help raise your blood pressure, I mean, to help your guacamole taste better.
So those are the main ingredients I use to make my perfect guacamole. Of course there are two other ingredients I always use that I didn't state, but it's something that applies to my own personal taste. One last thing, expect to produce decent guacamole for the first few times. Dont' worry though - Experimentation will eventually bring your previous failures out of rehabilitation.
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Quick birthday shoutout to Thuy who is going to get crazy and celebrate in Daygo. I don't really know her too well, but anyone who buys you a tequila shot is alright in my book. heee. If you're reading this, Happy Birthday Thuy.
On behalf of today's entry, I decided to post a picture or a half asian, half latino model. More specifically, she's Apache, Mexican, and Korean. The name of this United Nations model is Rachel Sterling. You might recognize her as the stripper in the movie Tomcats. Okay, I think I should let the pictures do the talking now.
Click here to see the Import Tuner interview with Rachel
