Orgasmic Pissing
Yesterday, after consuming a large amount of tea and water, I started the drive back to the San Gabriel Valley from the Pomona area. Five minutes into the ride, I heard my bladder shamelessly taunt my mind. At first, my mind ignored these provocations... Later, however, after hearing a "Yo mama" joke, my mind turned around and started shouting expletives to my bladder. I REALLY had to go at that particular moment. I calculated that I had 15 minutes left until I'd reach my house and I decided to try to hold in the turbulent mountain dew.
Those 15 minutes ticked by as quickly as an Olympic gold medalist breaststroker swimming in a dried up pool. The tension in my body escalated as the exchange of friendly words between my mind and bladder intensified. Finally, I couldn't take it any longer. Two minutes away from my house, I pulled over at a McDonald's and ran (ran would actually be a graceful version of describing how I moved) into the restroom... Let me tell you... Feeling the gush of yellow water flow out felt sooooooooo good.
Have you ever remembered a time when you had to relieve yourself so badly that when you finally got the chance to, it felt like heaven? Like an orgasm? Okay, yeah yeah yeah. I hear all of you out there. What da feeezy you might say. Well, looky here. Did you know that for guys, controlling the outflow of one's urine involves the same sphincter used in controlling the outflow of well, ahem... white lava? Trivial Useless Ish #104 - Courtesy of Ted.
Anyway, pain and pleasure are more closely related than one imagines. The more pain one experiences, the more potential pleasure and happiness one can later feel. How can you know the true glory of Heaven if you haven't felt the spiteful wrath of Hell? My point is: The next time you have an urge to pee, hold it in. Entertain your bladder a little. Take it to the threshold!!! hahah (Girls watch out though because you might get U.T.I.) Maybe you will experience an orgasmic pissing as I had. Or as gay Jerry would describe it, a "Climaxing Tinkling."
Ok Cupid Love Test
I took the
Ok Cupid Test that one of my friends told me about. Supposedly it's a pretty accurate test about one's attitude towards love. Of course you have to be completely honest or the test won't tell you squat. I must say, there were some interesting questions in the test... One question in particular made me visualize a situation I hope I never have to think of again. Take the test if you haven't already and be honest!!!
So, I am:
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The Slow Dancer "Deliberate Gentle Love Dreamer (DGLDm)"
Steady, reliable, and cradling her tenderly. Take a deep breath, and let it out real easy...you are The Slow Dancer.
Your focus is love, not sex, and for your age, you have average experience. But you're a great, thoughtful guy, and your love life improves every year. There's also a powerful elimination process working in your favor: most Playboy types get stuck raising unwanted kids before you even begin settling down. The women left over will be hot and yours. Your ideal woman is someone intimate, intelligent, and very supportive.
While you're not exactly the life of the party, you do thrive in small groups of smart people. Your circle of friends is extra tight and it's HIGHLY likely they're just like you. You appreciate symmetry in relationships.
ALWAYS AVOID: The Battleaxe
CONSIDER: The Maid of Honor or The Sonnet
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Man, my journal topics stray like an alley cat with his whiskers cut off. Oh well. Better to stray somewhere than to stay in one place. Today's eye candy is Japanese idol Miwa Oshiro. Yum or in Japanese "oishi."
